Journal

Day 111

Dance until your feet hurt and you can’t smile anymore.  I remember a time when I hated dancing. I don’t have much rhythm, I was worried people would laugh so I just did the trusty two step. Tonight however, I danced with every part of my body. I didn’t care if people thought I was weird, I danced with my soul and I didn’t stop smiling all night. 

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Day 110

Don’t wait. Don’t wait for the perfect moment,For a new day,For a new beginning. Don’t wait to say I love you,Or hello, Or goodbye. Don’t wait to take the chance,To be brave,To find the courage. Don’t wait to chase your dreams,Or you’ll be chasing what if’s.

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Day 109

You DON’T need to find your niche. So many times I have been told to ‘find my niche’ or ‘focus on one thing’. I used to think I was weird that I didn’t have one really specific passion that all of my thought went into. Now I see it as a win. Because of the amount and the wide variety of things I find joy in, there is now so many more opportunities for me to find enjoyment…

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Day 108

One of the greatest things I have learnt is the power of clarity. And I’m not talking clarity on knowing what you are doing. I still have a little wobble every day that I have no idea what I’m doing. But for the first time, I have clarity on knowing that I’m on the right path. I followed my heart and I know I made the right choice for future me. To have this amount of clarity really…

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Day 107

I don’t care. I used to say this a lot. I used to see it as armour. If I don’t care what you say, you can’t hurt me. If I don’t care what you think, I can just be myself. What I was really doing was unconsciously saying if I don’t care, why should anyone else. If I don’t make the effort for myself, why should anyone else make the effort for me. Including the universe. And it…

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Day 106

The importance of awareness. I’ve come to realise that it’s not about perfection, it’s about awareness. When mistakes are made or you’re having a bad day, awareness is key. It allows you to understand. To understand that it’s just one day, just one thought and just one moment in a whole lifetime. Those moments don’t define you, it’s how you respond to them that does.

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Day 105

I used to think that if enough people said the same thing, maybe I should take their advice.  Now I realise that no matter how many people say it, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.  Be the leader of your own journey. No one knows you better than you.Follow the path of your heart, not your bank account (unless it’s into Fendi and then it’s both). If it feels crazy to others, maybe that’s a sign that…

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Day 104

When the pain of the thought of staying, is greater than the pain at thought of starting over, you know what you need to do. 

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Day 103

There is a reason she is called Mother Nature. She nurtures.She is gentle with her honesty.She is the provider of necessity. She is always available; rain or shine, day or night. She provides comfort in a world of chaos. She listens without judgement.She is a safe space in times of need. She will always be home. Happy Summer Solstice.

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Day 102

There are certain moments in life that make you question things, and there are certain moments that answer others.  Today, I think I got my answer

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Day 101

For the past few days, I have woken up without my phone. The difference in how my days have gone since then is mind blowing to me. There has been a big change for me in the last few weeks and I felt myself starting to drift. Drift out of reality, away from the present moment and just drift through the day. I felt so disengaged from everything and endlessly scrolling first thing in the morning was not…

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Day 100

I spent today reflecting over the last 100 days the only way I knew best… at the beach. Yesterday wasn’t a great day. It was one of those days where every thing felt like a struggle, and everything felt like an argument with myself. I was in such a state that when I thought about what I could do for day 100, I just thought ‘do I even bother’. Then, at 9pm last night, I told myself yes. The…

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Day 99

Sometimes you have to say enough is enough, no matter how much history there is. No matter how long you have known someone, or what they have done for you, sometimes you just have to call it a day.  Relationships (partners or friends) shouldn’t be a one way street, but they also shouldn’t be about keeping score.  You also shouldn’t be someone’s moaning bag. There is a difference between being a listening ear and someone’s therapist. It’s not…

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Day 98

Starting over isn’t a sign of failure. It signifies you saying this isn’t working, something needs to change. To admit that takes a lot. Anyone that has ever made that decision knows it’s not an easy option.  It’s scary, it’s frustrating, and it’s exhausting. It sometimes feels like you’re grieving. Grieving a period of your life that will now just be a distant memory.  But you will get through it and you will come back. Because you’ve done…

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Day 97

Stay focused.  When you have a bad moment and you think to yourself you want to just go back to being comfortable, take a second to remember. Remember why you are doing this, why you decided you wanted to make a change. Remember that feeling when you made the decision.  Does the action you are taking right now, at this very moment in time, align with that goal?Would future you be proud?

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Day 96

Conversation doesn’t need to be a conversion. I’m not really a people person. I’m happy to engage but I really struggle with small talk. I’m not very good at it so it can quickly become awkward and uncomfortable. And I wear my heart of my sleeve so it’s pretty obvious. However, I am always up for and open to a discussion, to hearing somebodies point of view on a subject matter. To hear someone else’s reasoning isn’t about…

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Day 95

To be content in your own company is so liberating. It opens up so many doors, opportunities and experiences. I’ve realised that when I’m on my own in public, I try and make myself as small as I can be. To take up as little space as absolute possible, physically and energetically. And it’s not because I’m unhappy, I’m just uncomfortable about being in a social environment. But I refused to do that today and at first, I…

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Day 94

My inability to make a decision has been an issue for many years, if not my whole life. It comes from a place of perfectionism (if that’s even a word). Needing to ensure I made the right choice, at the right time. What if the wrong one has repercussions?What would those repercussions mean?How would they affect someone else? Because god forbid I make a wrong one and never have the opportunity to right my wrong. I’ve come to…

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Day 93

What’s it worth to you? Worth is completely subjective. The worth of one thing to one person could be completely different to another.  We see it mostly with art but it’s related to everything. Time, money, possessions, love, experiences. Everything is worth something, you just have to decide how much it’s worth to you.  Is it worth your time?Is it worth fighting for?Is it worth the extra overtime you missed out on the party for?  The key thing…

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Day 92

Maybe, we will never know. I used to live in a world where everything needed to make sense. I had to understand why, when, how. But the older I’ve got, the more I’m grasping at that idea that you just need to let some things be.  They are what they are.They don’t have a reason.There will never be an explanation. Sometimes you just need to take it as it comes and enjoy it for what it is.

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Day 91

Go and take your f**king life. I’ve been questioning so much recently and there’s been a lot of self doubt.  And because of it, I have spent much time worrying that I’ve wasting the time I could have been doing.  What I’ve learnt is that life is for the taking. Things are closer to your reach than you realise.  I used to always look at people and think how?! But now I see that if they can, surely…

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Day 90

When things look like they are falling apart, don’t look at it as a mess to clean up. Look at it like a blank slate to start again. 

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Day 89

Today marks 80 years since D Day. As we remember those who served and sadly those who paid with the ultimate price, let it be a reminder that we must never stop fighting for the most precious gift we can all receive. Our freedom to live in peace. My brother said it perfectly -‘When you reflect on their sacrifice and pay your respects, don’t just do it with words but by living a life that if you ever…

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Day 88

Do not give up on yourself. Have a bad day,Have a bad moment,Cry it out, Scream it out,Take a day off,Take the week off,Reset as many times are you need to,Try something new,Keep it a secret,Shout it from the roof top. But never, ever give up on yourself.

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Day 87

Some days are just harder than others. There is nothing special about them or you are no more worse off, you just happened to notice the bad things more. As soon as I started to think like this, everything felt a lot easier. Because to think positively all the time is not sustainable. If you think positive all the time, there is never something to work on and so you never grow.  I always come back to the…

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Day 86

You’ll know. I sat for a really long time thinking about a decision I knew I needed to make. But I just couldn’t quite figure it out. I cried so many times not wanting to make the wrong choice. I would say to myself ‘will I ever know? Will I ever know my answer?’. And then one day I just did. I just knew.

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Day 85

Even though it was the darkest of skies, it was clear enough to see the stars shine bright.  It reminded me that even in our darkest moments there will be moments that shine. Tony specks that sparkle and bring a smile back to our lips. 

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Day 84

As I reached the Hollins across summit, I noticed a tree. Stood by herself, in all her glory.  She stood there all alone, looking over the valley beneath her. And even though she stands alone, it doesn’t take from her beauty. She stands tall within her own right enjoying the view across the land.  And even with the high winds, she stayed strong. No others to shield her, she took the full force. Knowing she must face the…

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Day 83

Upon the shadow and darkness that the overhanging trees create, see where the light creeps in.Where the branches haven’t filled out.In the gaps in the leaves between wind strokes.On the carpet of overgrown greenery.Gliding across the waters edge.And the small pools of water left from the rain drops.Highlighting the different shades of green.From the leaves hanging overhead.To the grass that borders the road edge.The warmth it provides, even on the coldest of days. Even with closed eyes, it shines…

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Day 81

Be brave, make tough decisions.  You made it to this point once, you can do it again. Starting from scratch always sounds so scary. You think about how hard it was just to get to this point.  But really, it’s never from scratch when you’re starting over. You’ve learnt so much along the way that you have to think of it almost like a second chance. You can set boundaries from the very beginning because you now know…

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Day 80

For the first time in a long time today, I looked in the mirror at the gym and I was actually happy with the woman back at me.  Last September, I really wanted to go all in so decided to go back to the gym. A place that I have never been consistent with because of insecurities. I never knew what I was really doing, everyone looked like they belonged there and I felt like I didn’t, just…

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Day 79

Listen closely enough and you will find the answer you’re looking for.  When we go for a walk in nature, you’re best to leave the headphones at home.For she will tell you more than you can learn from a podcast or audiobook. At first you hear the silence. You’re so used to the hustle and bustle of daily life that when you remove yourself from it, it sounds like nothing.But listen a little harder. Listen to her whisper to you.The whistling…

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Day 78

I remember when I lost all control of my mind. It was a dark and scary place. But when I look back now, there was also something really beautiful about it. In a way, my mind felt completely free. To think what it wanted to think, to feel how it wanted to feel, to just be.  There was no expectation to be anyone or do anything, and there were no limits.  The smallest of things felt like the…

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Day 77

To no longer worry about the small things means you are focused on the big.  For such a long time, I was hyper focused on the smallest of things and if they weren’t correct, it would destroy my mind. I was so fixated on making everything around me just right, that I lost sight of the bigger picture.  I could only have the volume on certain numbers. Toilet roll, toilet roll had to come over the top towards…

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Day 76

Fight for your fire.  For me, your inner fire is like motivation. It’s always there but it’s not always visible and it can’t always drive you.  Sometimes the embers burn quietly under the surface just waiting. Waiting for the moment when it’s time to come back. For when it’s time to add fuel to and watch it burn brightly. And the more you add, the brighter it burns.   However, you don’t get fuel without a little work. You’ve…

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Day 75

One of my favourite poems is Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson. It’s a poem that I have gone back to time and time again. And today, it wouldn’t leave my mind. So I wanted to share it with anyone who needs to hear it as well… Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darknessThat most frightens us.  We ask ourselvesWho am…

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Day 74

I’ve felt myself slip recently. Like I’m still putting in the work but it feels more like drifting.  And I don’t like it.  When things get like this, it’s because I feel comfortable and I’m just doing things in autopilot. I’m not actually conscious of the physical act of doing something. At lot of the time, it means I’m not present in the moment. My mind is just wandering here and there, letting my body just do what…

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Day 73

There’s beauty in the breakdown. I’ve recently been struggling with the concept of getting older. Nothing crazy, just a little bit of everything.  Like looking at older photos makes me miss my pink hair. But am I now too old for that now? Is it too late?  I then notice the lines on my face in the mirror. The aging signs on the hands. My fitness taking longer to come back. The slower pace of life. The feeling…

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Day 72

Today was the first time in a long time that I looked in the mirror and saw a physical change that I actually liked. I’ve made a lot of good changes internally but physically, it feels like the opposite.  I used to be athletic and over the last 10 years, I just stopped caring. I honestly thought what was the point. And then every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded of that feeling.  Over the…

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Day 71

The last 24 hours have been a reminder to myself to just go with the flow a bit more.  To rip up the agenda and schedule and just embrace what my soul is asking for. To just do things because why the f not.  I decided last minute to make a three hour drive at 9pm to go and surprise my mum at the 60km checkpoint of her walk and then again at the 82km point. I’m so…

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Day 70

Have you ever just looked at the sky and got your answer right there and then?  As I was driving tonight, I was spellbound by the sight in front of me. The gradient of colour lit up the sky with such ease and clarity.  And right there and then, I knew my recent choices had been correct. I don’t know why, but it just made me feel like I was meant to see the beautiful.  To know that…

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Day 69

Sometimes, you have to choose you. To set your boundaries and honour them.  It’s not selfish, it’s required. Required for your own peace and stability. Because without stability, you crumble… and who’s coming to save you? I set boundaries a long time ago and only good things have come from standing by them. Yes in the short term comes a little suffering but long term, you are rewarded. However, I feel like they’re being tested recently and I’ve…

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Day 68

We all need a little guidance sometimes. Chats with friends.Going to prayer.Reading the bible.Pulling of tarot cards.Looking out for angel numbers.Seeing rainbows in the sky.Meditation.Reading development books.Butterflies and feathers. However you get yours, I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

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Day 67

I think I like the nights because it’s when you get the most silence. And I feel most comfortable in the quiet than with noise. I like to process. My mind already has a thousand things running through it at all times so to add additional noise just amplifies the processing. I used to fear silence, to be alone with my thoughts was petrifying. Now, it brings peace to a day full of communication and conversation.

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Day 66

When you rest your head on your pillow tonight, would you be content with knowing you made the day count? I saw a clip of Kat Williams recently and it really changed my perspective on things. He said – ‘Have a conversation with yourself every night that that was it, it may not be no more after that and really count yourself every day like this could have been it’. It’s really easy to see videos and hear…

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Day 65

Today taught me everything about how important being in the right environment was. I’ve always struggled being social or being in social situations. Yet today, I was so relaxed and I wasn’t desperate to leave because I’d hit my limit. As I walked around the RHS Wisley Garden, I felt like I had found a place where I belong. Everyone was there for the same reason. People smiled at each other. People interacted with each other in a…

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Day 64

Sometimes you just need to be there. To say nothing but respond with kindness and empathy.  To not pass judgement on someone’s past actions but give them grace for their future ones. To be a shoulder to cry on, or an open ear.  To pray for them even when you aren’t religious and hold them on your thoughts throughout the day.  To give them hope and shine a light for the pathway ahead of them, make it a…

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Day 63

It’s time to get excited about the small things. I’ve felt really stagnant mentally recently and it’s really frustrating. I’m missing something creatively and I can’t quite work out what it is. But it’s meant that I feel like I’ve come to a standstill with my goals. So I decided to remember how far I’ve already come. Not just for my goals, but still things in general. In February, I decided to do one boxing PT session a…

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Day 62

Here’s the thing. I actually forgot to write this post. I was having to much fun with my friends. And at first I panicked! I failed what I had set out to do. But I went to bed so content of a good evening. An evening filled with laughter, Aperol and food (and clips from This is 40). It was only upon writing for day 62, that I realised I had missed 61. I had had so much…

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Day 61

Is giving up always such a bad thing? We live in a culture where you’ve got to keep going, push through, don’t give up, dig deep. But at what point is enough enough? There’s a quote I’ve been seeing a lot of recently that says ‘when it gets tough, it means that something good is about to happen’. Are we creating an environment of toxic positivity? Are we just not willing to accept that some things just don’t…

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Day 60

They say communication is key. But what happens when the communication is with yourself. When it’s a constant battle of knowing but can’t bring yourself to believe it. Or maybe we do believe it, we just can’t bring ourselves to accept it.

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Day 59

As someone who is child free by choice, I think people assume that I don’t like children.  I love kids. They will teach you more about life than most books, courses, professionals, schools (the list goes on) can ever teach you.  I spent 6 hours with a 4 year old today and learnt the following –

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Day 58

Time is a funny one. There are so minutes that feel like hours, and days that feel like seconds. It’s about how we see it working for or against us. When it’s been the ‘longes day’ because it’s been a struggle or you’re counting down the days until your holiday and those last few days feel so long. But the moment you need to get those last minute bits, time suddenly goes by in an instant. So the…

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Day 57

Step outside the comfort zone. A statement I have said to myself so many times… without actually doing anything about it. But the last two days I have. Putting myself out there, chasing something I used to be frightened of doing in fear of the chatter that may come with it. But the older I get the older I just don’t care about the chatter. So we’re leaning in to the discomfort. And I’m enjoying it. It’s funny…

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Day 56

I’ve been trying something new recently. Everyday, I make sure I make an effort. That doesn’t mean a full face of makeup and blown out hair. It just means not chucking any old thing on. It made such a difference to how my day went and even how people interacted with me. Now I know it’s not about others but it’s what it says to people. It’s about saying I care. And not just to others. Most importantly,…

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Day 55

A good book on the sofa while the house is silent and all I can hear is the rain through the open window. The silence is so peaceful. My body instantly softens.  It’s a rarity I question my decision to be child free. I think about it often as things change and I think it’s important that we come back to things as we grow. But it’s a rarity I think ‘am I making the right choice?’. It’s…

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Day 54

Remembering not to over complicate things. When trying to improve things, I somehow always find a way to over complicate things. Need to clean up my eating habits; apparently I need to change my whole diet rather than just cutting out the daily can of Coke Zero. Need to get back in shape; I add a new programme, up my runs and plan to do them all at 6am. I actually don’t know why I do this! But…

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Day 53

What a difference a year makes. I used to always wonder about this sentence when I heard it. Like really, how much of your life can really change in 12 months?  Turns out quite a bit! Today marks 12 months since I decided that something needed to change. I had always been so scared of the ‘what if’ but it had now turned into a fear of ‘what if I don’t’. That fear was so bad that it…

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Day 52

Today was a better day. I’ve been really letting things slip recently. And then getting annoyed when things don’t work out how I would prefer.  But I see it as proof. That when I really go for it, things will work out.  Life isn’t an easy fix. If you want big things you need to make big changes. And when I say big changes, I mean lots of little ones that all add up. Tomorrow marks a milestone,…

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Day 51

Every day is a new day. A new day to reset.To go after goalsTo tell someone you love themTo look after yourselfTo send that messageTo grow To be the version of you that you want to be To change your life.

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Day 50

Just take action. I promise it’s not as bad as you think. From diy to life choices, not taking action will cause far more discomfort. Even if it’s wrong at first, at least you know. And then you can rectify it. There are so many things that I wish I’d done sooner. But I allowed fear to lead. And that’s when regret starts to creep in. As you can see, whatever route you take there will be an…

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Day 49

I wish I had set more boundaries earlier on. Not just to better my experience of life, but for others as well. What I’ve found is that now when I initiate my boundaries and am confident with it, it makes it such a better experience for everyone. I’m not sat there unhappy because I’m doing something I don’t want to do. I can be really present in the moment which makes me much better company to be in.…

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Day 48

Things I wish I could have told my younger self… Just go for itYour weirdness is your beautyJust do youYou don’t need to fit in to make it workGood times are comingThere’s beauty in the breakdownSpend more time in natureIt’s ok to not be sociableDream big Things I’m telling my future self… It’s not too late

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Day 47

Trail running is my reminder that no matter what, you have to keep going. Because when you’re 5km away from home and in the middle of a farmers field, there is no other option. You can’t get a bus, or order a cab, or get someone to come and get you.  Even if you slow down, you keep moving. And when I think I can’t, I think back to the girl that couldn’t even get out of bed…

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Day 46

My mindset is key right now. My health feels like a never ending battle. Nothing serious, but just feeling rundown every single day will get exhausting after a while. Can I be doing more, can I be doing better? It’s key not to let it get to me. Something needs to change, but what? One thing I will never take for granted is waking up and feeling good.

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Day 45

Risk”, by Anaïs Nin And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

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Day 44

Every single day I am drawn further and further to Mother Earth.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣She has given me so much clarity and peace in times that were full of turbulence and chaos. She has provided me with a space to just be, no matter what the occasion. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣To clear my mind, to walk with Robbie, to provide a beautiful landscape for my runs.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣I am forever in awe of her beauty. What she is capable of. How she transforms through the seasons.…

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Day 43

The moment you no longer care what people think of you is the moment you realise anything is possible. I was out running today and the sun came out, and my favourite song started playing. And all I wanted to do was dance while I ran. So I did. There were so many people out walking their dog and for the first time ever, I didn’t care if they were watching. I was just enjoying my moment with…

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Day 42

Go big or go home. I’ve said it a thousand times watching game shows. Deciding the next move. Saying to myself you only get one opportunity. You came with nothing so why not just go for it. But what about the next move with the game we all call life. The ‘rules’ are all the same so why not? What if I chose to live by that saying with my next move in life, rather than just the…

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Day 41

Do things that create an energy like no other. I’ve seen so many people posting about them collecting their number for the London Marathon and I cannot stop smiling for them. There must be so many emotions they are going through. The nerves, the excitement, the realisation that the time has come! It makes me think back to times where I’ve chosen to do things that have given me that exact feeling and I’ve realised I don’t do…

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Day 40

At some point it will just all click. I used to hear this so much and think maybe this will never happen for me. I spent so long searching for my purpose. Searching for an answer. Searching for my why. Then I stopped and started just enjoying the ride. And they were right. I spent so much time searching for something that wasn’t meant for me that I missed so many other things. Now, I just enjoy every…

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Day 39

I never realised how importance order was for me.  Even in a van with minimal objects and possessions, I craved order. Making sure it was clean, things were put away in a certain way with meaning rather than being dumped.  As much as I love order, I hate routine. It’s funny isn’t it. How things so similar can feel so distant for me.  It’s something I’ve only just realised. The craving of order but resistance to routine.  And…

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Day 38

Is there a place you can go to be completely free? To feel alive in your soul but quiet in the mind. To ask no questions and need no answers. To enjoy the silence, yet hear it all.To be vibrational and energetic, all while grounded and quiet. To just be.

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Day 37

Blessings in disguise. You just don’t know it at the time. The times where you think why me, why now, just why.  We may not see it at the time but there is a reason. It’s taking you off a path that would have only caused more chaos and more pain.  That doesn’t take away from what you are feeling in the moment. Feel it, acknowledge it, get it out your system. Don’t let that toxicity build up.…

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Day 36

Sometimes things just don’t go to plan. They humble you.They show you reality.They make you take a step back. To evaluate.To breathe.To test and to teach. But sometimes they provide you positives that you just can’t see at the time. They bring new people into your life. Some for a long time.Some for just a few hours, never to be seen again.Some teach you minor things.Some teach you life lessons. In all of it, life teaches you something…

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Day 35

It really all is about the journey, not just the destination. I never really believed it until Scotland. However, driving from location to location is just stunning everywhere I look. I found myself saying ‘if all we do is drive, I’ll be happy by the end of the trip’. Don’t get me wrong, things haven’t gone to plan which means we are going to miss out on a few things, but it’s just one of those things. Tomorrow’s…

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Day 34

You don’t need to be the best version just yet, you just need to believe you can be and keep working towards it. Because every time you do something better than you did before, your brain remembers it. Take walking for example. If you never hiked a day before in your life, you wouldn’t start with 100km. However, if you start with 1km and keep adding one more km every week, there will come a time where you…

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Day 33

I want to know I did it because I wanted to live, not because I thought I was going to die. I have seen so many times where people have gone off and done things because they are terminally ill, or where they become ill and when they recover decide to go and do certain things because they are faced directly with the hard truth that it can happen at any point. But why do we wait? Why…

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Day 32

To release control is to feel free.  As a control freak, the amount of energy I have used up worrying about every little detail has been exhausting. Plus the panic and stress I would put on my body when it didn’t go to plan that has actually made me physically unwell on numerous occasions.  But before this trip, I wanted to make sure this wouldn’t be the case. I knew if I wanted to really embrace this trip…

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Day 31

My connection to nature is growing strong. Before I even know that a new cycle or phase is going to take place, I already have plans that align to it. My mum bought me a diary for this year that shows me all of the moon cycles. It shows me the new moons, what they are and what they represent. And the current moon is the pink moon which calls us to nature. As a child, I always…

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Day 30

What happens when years and years of wishing, wanting and dreaming finally become a reality? Tomorrow is the start of finding out that answer… and I’m a little nervous. Why? Because it happened once before and it wasn’t what I thought it would be.  For such a long time, I had really wanted to go to Australia. Then 10 years ago, I went and I soon realised it wasn’t for me. I don’t regret going because at least…

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Day 29

So grateful for my mindset right now. Last night I went out with the thought I was leaving my car at the bar and going back to get it the next morning. Instead, I choose to have one drink and drive home. Then today, at multiple times, I made decisions based on what my future self would thank me for. I chose long term gratification over short term ease. Something a year ago would never have been an…

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Day 28

Ever since I was young, I’ve always been drawn to roses. But the older I’ve got, the more it feels like a connection.  From a direct connection, my name literally translates to ‘little rose’. I also fondly remember admiring the ones in my nans garden, watching her tend to them with so much care. And now, having tended to my own, I realise how much we have in common with them.  Up until now, I’ve mainly planted food…

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Day 27

Thinking about the people that have come into my life, it’s easy to think of those closest to me. But what about those that we don’t talk to very much. Sometimes they are the people that have had some of the biggest impacts. I’ve had the greatest honour of coming into contact with the most beautiful souls. They have inspired me, educated me, guided me, filled me with joy, and bought me to (happy) tears. It’s taught me…

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Day 26

Today was a reminder of how much of a gift time really is. To be able to move freely when I want, and rest when I need. To be able to take the time to listen to my body rather than running on auto pilot. To stop at the moment I wasn’t feeling too well and not worrying about being in work the next day. I’m a week in to my three month break and I can already…

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Day 25

As I was finishing my shopping and got back to the car today, I remembered one more thing. I got annoyed with myself because I’ve been forgetting so much recently because I’ve been a little unorganised.  But I dropped the bits at the car and headed back over. I then got even more annoyed with myself because what I wanted wasn’t in stock. So once again, I headed back to the car. I turned on the engine and…

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Day 24

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where…

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Day 23

11 months of sobriety ended today. But it wasn’t this big monumental moment. And I’m glad because it wasn’t meant to be. My sobriety was always meant to be temporary. Just a brief moment in time so I could fully focus on the next chapter. Time to level up. And I did. I stepped up when I needed to. Not for anyone else but me. Life is about to change and I have a funny feeling that when…

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Day 22

Some days are just that. A day. Just another day. Nothing standing out. No milestone, no big moment. But for me, sometimes they are the best days. Because with no big moment comes simplicity. And when life has been a little bit crazy, I crave simplicity. So I’ve learnt that when it appears, embrace it. Grab it with both hands and fully submerged yourself within it.

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Day 21

While walking today, I was thinking about the last 21 days. How I’ve found it so much easier than I thought it would be to find something every single day.  It’s shown me that the simplest of things bring me so much joy. That even on my lower days, there’s always something on the other side. I’m so glad I decided to do it… and commit to it. 

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Day 20

There’s beauty in the breakdown. When something materialistic goes in for repair, sometimes the only way to figure out what’s wrong with it is to take it apart, break it down and then rebuild it back up.  Some parts just need a clean, some need repairing and some need replacing all together.  But after the rebuild? It comes back stronger and more efficient.  Version 2.0 is ready to install. 

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Day 19

You made it! 12 months in the making.6 months in the planning.3 months of pushing through. Time to embrace it! Yes you need to make the most of it and not waste a second. You prayed for this, you worked hard for it. But for the moment, just be present in the exhale of the milestone. Let the three month career break commence!

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Day 18

Take out the headphones and embrace the silence. I’m so grateful the ground was hard enough to go for a trail run today. Half way through, I had the sudden urge to take out my headphones. I’m so glad I did. It was beautiful. It was like my mind suddenly just emptied of all the bullshit, and I was left with the purest of sounds. The whistling of the air, the squelching of the mud, the flock of…

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Day 17

When does patience become complacency? They say for every one degree a plane gets off course, it will miss its targeted landing spot by 92 feet for every mile you fly. If they had of thought patience in the process was the best way to go, it wouldn’t have worked out. At some point, you have to start to reevaluate where your actions are directing you. We’re not talking making huge decisions, sometimes micro changes are all that’s…

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Day 16

Sometimes you need to be brave. To choose courage over comfort.

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Day 15

Do you believe in signs? I do. And I’ve been given so many recently that they are hard to ignore. I’ve been thinking a lot recently how disciplined I’ve become in the last year and how much I’ve accomplished because of it. I went to visit my Dad at Christmas and I like to borrow a book or two every time. His house is like a library and as a therapist, a lot of them are about growth/…

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Day 14

Proud of my discipline today. Everything I have practised is becoming just part of who I am. I can feel my nervous system resting, and everything is softening. It’s like my body is taking one big exhale.

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Day 13

In a weeks time, I step away from the 9-5 life for a few months. And for the past few weeks, I’ve been waking up on my days off feeling quite lost. Nothing major but just not really knowing what to do with myself. Fridays are usually my ‘throwing the to do list out the window’ days, but now I feel a pressure to be doing something. I don’t know if it’s because I feel like time is…

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Day 11

Spring Equinox. A time for reflection, new chapters, new opportunities. And it couldn’t feel more relevant. Leaving behindJudgement to myselfAllow fear to control my actionsRegrets over past mistakes Taking with meConfidence in my abilitiesSeizing new opportunities that come my wayShow myself the love I show others

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Day 9

What I’m learning in life is that there isn’t one big moment where your life changes forever. There are lots of small moments that make a big difference. The day I took a break from alcohol. The day I just decided that that was the day I was going to give up smoking. The day I started going back to the gym. All of them were just one day out of 32 years. Not even a whole day,…

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